Post morning practice
Woke up too early to a message from the stranger – went back to sleep for an hour. Felt slightly nauseated when I began moving – change clothes – resolve the sensory overload – just keep breathing.
Spinal waves + wave breath being me alive. During one breath hold I have one of those moments where energy flushes my system and I lose all concept of solidity – enter timelessness, spaciousness, vibrational reality. I don’t know who I am. I change in this experience. Fluid aliveness.
The knots in my back restrict my breathing + movement – I work with a ball to release the tension and it radiated into my neck. I breathe and release myself into the sensation – which I feel now; my back digs into ridges of siding as I sit outside writing. I wonder how much I can’t feel or access because of this knotted energy. The idea of dry needling is appealing; releasing tiny pinpricks of tension is, I imagine, easier for the system to comprehend.
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movement ∞ creativity
movement is
creativity is
it is not about “making it happen”
it is about getting out of the way of what is already happening, silently humming, wanting to emergy through the channel you are.
be worked
be moved
be rocked
be shattered
be dissolved
be opened
become nothing
become everything
a stream of fluid aliveness
numinous movement – more than meets the eye
Mid afternoons
Everything is a potential portal for practice.
Came home from grocery shopping, ate a handful of roasted chickpeas, and my tooth finally cracked. An old filing crumbled leaving a hole in the back of my mouth. I was embarrassed to get it taken care of sooner. Ashamed. Though it is a minor inconvenience, I am grateful; I take this as an opportunity to tend better to myself, to create oral care rituals.
90 minute walk/30 minutes yoga/self pleasure/hot bath
The change in my tooth’s shape causes mild tension. The sensation of tongue against something different captures my focus, distracts me. I can already see how much attention will be freed from resolving this “minor” annoyance, and I imagine it will resolve some neck/shoulder tension too.
Everything is connected. I am excited to take a lover into my mouth without shame or fear – how wild that I could hold it all in my tooth – how the subconscious — afraid of fully opening — made it so obvious, yet so easily deniable, what I have been afraid of: intimacy. What is more intimate that intertwined mouths? What is more intimate than the kiss?
It makes sense that the stranger showed up in my life just before this happened — it’s not a bad omen, it’s an opening to deeper connection — with myself, with others, with my voice. Not a setback. A chance to reflect. A portal to spirit.
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how to fuck god <> numinous movement
To me, these phrases point to exactly the same thing, so my question is, which one makes less sense?
Fucking is the movement of the numinous.
It’s not just about sex – but sex is a bit part of IT – yet not “sex” as a concept.
The question is:
can you hold the pose?
can you stay open?
align with the numinous movement of aliveness.